AUSTIN — Following hard fought and contentious primary elections, a bipartisan group of incoming freshmen legislators from safe districts held their first meeting.
“It was really productive,” said Republican candidate Honkey Q. Cracker. “It was refreshing to hear from lobbyists and political insiders, rather than my friends and neighbors on the campaign trail. While I ran on abolishing abortion, banning taxpayer funded lobbying, and capping government spending, what I’m looking forward to most is shoveling ever increasing sums of taxpayer dollars to unionized government employees.”
Democrat candidate Latina X. Personofcolor concurred: “While I ran on protecting the rights of women and indiginous peoples, I can’t wait to dramatically expand corporate subsides.
The Texas Association of Business praised Cracker and Personofcolor for their “ability to set campaign rhetoric aside and realize it’s time to govern.”
DALLAS — Running for the Republican nomination in the 32nd congressional district, candidate Genevieve Collins recently released a campaign video highlighting biographical accomplishments. In the video, Collins discussed her business background and how it influences her views on the economy. According to sources, the whole thing was “surprisingly normal.”