Dallas Cowboys Announce Signing of Antonio Brown

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ARLINGTON — The Dallas Cowboys have announced the signing of Pro-Bowl reciever Antonio Brown.

The receiver, who has been out of the league following sexual assault accusations in 2019, is expected to compliment the Cowboys’ receiving corps.

“We are pleased to announce the signing of Antonio Brown,” said team owner Jerry Jones. “Antonio is a fine young man and an example of the character and values we expect of our organization. From Dez Bryant, to Ezekiel Elliot, to myself, we expect Antonio to carry on the great traditions of the Dallas Cowboys.”

Brown had reportedly been under consideration for a coaching position at Baylor University.

Jerry Jones sleeps on bed of taxpayer dollars following loss

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Arlington — After the Dallas Cowboys shocking 28-24 loss to the Minnesota Vikings last night, team owner Jerry Jones (net worth: $8.5 Billion) slept on a bed constructed exclusively out of Texans’ tax dollars.

The bed, primarily consisting revenues generated from a stadium constructed at the expense of local Arlington taxpayers, also contains generous contributions from the state of Texas’ “Major Events Trust Fund.”

Additionally, Frisco taxpayers are reported to have ponied up through shouldering construction costs for the Cowboys practice facility.

“Who needs to win football games when taxpayers pay us regardless?!?” asked Jones.

The Cowboys last won a Super Bowl in 1996.