AUSTIN — During consideration of the Texas house’s session rules, three term incumbent Briscoe Cain (R – Deer Park) spoke in opposition to a measure that would prevent Democrats from chairing the Republican majority’s committees.
“Mr. Speakermembers,” Cain began, “I know all about this technique.”
“Last session, I filed HB 1500. If passed, the bill would have prohibited abortion past the point where a fetal heartbeat could be detected. This was a top priority of my party and had widespread support.”
“HB 1500 was sent to the public health committee, chaired by my good friend Senfronia Thompson, Democrat of Houston. And she murdered that bill like Kermit Gosnell with a pair of forceps. Nobody was surprised.”
“You might think,” Cain continued “that this would bother me. Quite the opposite. I like it this way. It allows me to say I support the heartbeat bill without suffering the consequences of trying to pass it. It’s called having your cake and eating it too.”
“I love this technique. It’s awesome.”
Shortly thereafter, Cain sent a fundraising e-mail declaring himself a grassroots champion.
AUSTIN — During their caucus meeting Saturday, Texas house Republicans selected Jim Murphy to be their new caucus chair.
Murphy, a state representative from the Houston area, is best known for a 2018 corruption scandal when a local TV station discovered he was collecting $56,000 per month running an obscure local government entity while chairing their legislative oversight committee.
“This an exciting new era,” Murphy said. “I’m honored to have been selected by colleagues to do what I do best. This will be the Republican caucus’ most profitable session ever.”
The Texas Association of Business praised Murphy as “our kind of Republican.”
Following the recent publication of “Texas Luring Jobs Away From California with Promises of Electricity” in the Babylon Bee, the #TXLEGE report has obtained a recording of House speaker Dennis Bonnen discussing the article:
Can you believe what I got the Babylon Bee to publish?!?
Following Tuesday’s release of the audio recording of his June meeting with Michael Quinn Sullivan, Texas House Speaker Dennis Bonnen has sent the #TXLEGE report the following statement:
Since my election as Texas House speaker, I have become increasingly concerned about integrity levels in the Republican caucus.
On June 12th of this year, I met with Empower Texans CEO Michael Quinn Sullivan. During this meeting, I gave the appearance of a quid pro quo. I would grant Sullivan’s organization press credentials in exchange for political expenditures against my rivals.
At all times, I knew Sullivan would record the meeting and that he would eventually make the recording public.
My plan, all along, was to make Sullivan an obviously and transparently unethical proposal…then see who would defend it.
This was a psychological operations campaign designed to reveal which members of the Republican caucus would defend the indefensible.