Texas Is Back…to Firing Football Coaches

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AUSTIN — Following another underachieving season, Texas Longhorns football is widely expected to move on from Coach Tom Herman.

“Our university has a long tradition of buyouts followed by large, upfront, financial commitments,” said University President Jay Hartzell. “I look forward to building upon this legacy.”

“Coach Herman’s $19 million buyout is pocket change for our university,” Hartzell continued. “What starts here changes the world.”

Regents chairman Kevin Eltife confirmed the board would rubber stamp any coaching decision immediately following the next tuition hike.