AUSTIN — Facing their best political environment in a generation, Texas’ long beleaguered minority party is excited.
“It’s a great time to be a Democrat,” said state Representative Celia Israel, who runs the party’s campaign arm. “Between Greg Abbott bungling the COVID-19 response so badly and Donald Trump doing…whatever it is he’s doing, we have more material than ever. I can’t wait to see how we blow this.”
“We’ve barely said a word about the corrupt house speaker. We thought Elizabeth Warren and Bobby Francis O’Rourke would play well in Ft. Bend county. What’ll we come up with next?!?”
Following Israel’s remarks, the party announced Planned Parenthood would lead get out the vote efforts in rural counties.
AUSTIN — Following hard fought and contentious primary elections, a bipartisan group of incoming freshmen legislators from safe districts held their first meeting.
“It was really productive,” said Republican candidate Honkey Q. Cracker. “It was refreshing to hear from lobbyists and political insiders, rather than my friends and neighbors on the campaign trail. While I ran on abolishing abortion, banning taxpayer funded lobbying, and capping government spending, what I’m looking forward to most is shoveling ever increasing sums of taxpayer dollars to unionized government employees.”
Democrat candidate Latina X. Personofcolor concurred: “While I ran on protecting the rights of women and indiginous peoples, I can’t wait to dramatically expand corporate subsides.
The Texas Association of Business praised Cracker and Personofcolor for their “ability to set campaign rhetoric aside and realize it’s time to govern.”