Austin Chronicle Reporter Declares Apple Pie Racist

AUSTIN — Having recently attacked motherhood, Austin Chronicle reporter Austin Sanders is at it again.

“I am sick and tired of all this talk about Apple pie,” said Sanders. “Everybody knows that apples comes from the pillaging of indigenous people. Thomas Jefferson once ate an apple.”

“Apple pie represents patriarchy and white supremacy.”

Sanders then texted councilmember Greg Casar to coordinate publicity for a city ordinance banning apple pie.

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